It's becoming increasingly challenging to get technology pros to commit to mentoring relationships. This is due to a number of factors, including time constraints (everyone’s busy), downsizing in middle management (everyone’s hunting for jobs), and rising demand (everyone wants a mentor).
Unless your request for mentoring is compelling and well-thought-out, you risk being turned down by a highly sought-after mentor who has the option to choose their mentees from a large group of contenders.
To increase your chances of getting a “yes,” here’s a look at the most effective ways to approach someone about becoming your mentor.
Start with Matchmaking
In an ideal scenario, you’d like to ask someone you know or have worked with to be your mentor, since you understand how their background aligns with your career goals and trajectory, and you have confidence in each other's abilities.
But if that’s not possible, your next best option is to approach someone you've met at a conference or had conversations with, advised Leon Gordon, an avid mentor and CEO of Onyx Data. “In my experience, meeting someone in person first is best,” Gordon said.
However, it may be possible to encourage further discussions and suggest a virtual coffee chat after having initial discussions on LinkedIn or another social-media platform.
Generally speaking, a mentor is more likely to accept a request if they see a clear alignment between their expertise and the mentee’s goals. They are often drawn to someone they can effectively guide and support.
Gordon is interested in a potential mentee’s story, where they are trying to get to, and how his journey and experience can support them: “I need to see how I add value.”
It’s the mentee’s job to connect those dots for the mentor since you’re the one making the ask. How do you do that?
Give the potential mentor the necessary framework for considering your request by briefly explaining who you are and how you know them and their work, advised Srikant “Sri” Chellappa, CEO and co-founder of Engagedly: “Explain why you chose them.”
For instance, if you recently heard a prospective mentor speak at a cybersecurity conference or podcast, reference what impressed you most about their views on a particular topic or solution. Then explain who you are and why you’re reaching out, either through an email or messaging platform. Show them how your learning needs and goals align with their expertise. This will give them context for why you're interested in having them as a mentor and some time to consider your request.
Have a Clear and Concise Objective
Before reaching out, have a clear idea of what you want to get out of the relationship and the time commitment involved.
For example, are you looking for an opinion on the latest cybersecurity tool for threat detection and its appropriateness for your environment? Or are you looking for general guidance on how to impress your manager’s manager and win a promotion?
An overly broad request that lacks specificity as to time and/or subject matter is unlikely to get the greenlight, especially from someone you barely know. You might even drive a potential mentor away if they think you're asking them to do your job, Chellappa warned. Make sure to point out that you plan to come prepared having done your homework and research.
A busy professional will not agree to an open-ended discussion or activity that does not have a particular result, decision or timespan in mind. These days, every professional needs multiple mentors who can provide different perspectives, expertise and advice. It's crucial to have a clear idea of the role you want someone to play and what you are looking to achieve before reaching out to them.
Unless you have a long-standing relationship, it’s best to start small by asking for 15 minutes to solicit advice or discuss a specific problem. After all, everyone has 15 minutes to help someone with a topic that’s in their wheelhouse. If things work out and you’re able to schedule more short meetings, the mentoring relationship may eventually turn into something bigger such as regular meetings that track progress towards a mentee's bigger career goals.
Offer Gratitude
Mentoring is actually a mutually beneficial process where both the mentor and the mentee benefit from the relationship. But that doesn’t mean you need to offer something specific in return.
Mentors are generally motivated by the desire to make a positive impact on others, to help them grow professionally. Research shows that mentors value appreciation and recognition for their contributions, which fosters stronger connections.
To increase your chances of having a future request approved, always close the loop after meeting with a mentor by expressing gratitude and outlining how the advice, feedback or solutions they provided solved an immediate problem or advanced your career.
If you reach out again, be sure to recall your previous meetings and how you’ve applied their advice. A mentoring relationship is more likely to continue when you demonstrate mutual respect, gratitude and commitment to shared goals, continuous learning and professional growth.
